Hello! Here I’m going to post my pitch slam as part of the Pitch Slam Support Group blog hop. I’d appreciate the feedback, especially of the query.
New Adult Fantasy at 80,000 words
Pitch (the version I subbed to the ‘auditions’ round): Twenty-year-old Aidelle smashes a timepiece as her fiancé leaves her, sealing herself in a timeless reality. When she finds out he was blackmailed, she must cross volatile ‘timestreams’ to win back the man she loves.
Feedback (the gist of): The phrase “to win back the man she loves” is very general and a bit cliché. We’re lacking an understanding of why she smashes the timepiece (what made her angry?), and what he was blackmailed into doing. There’s only so much you can fit into a 35 word pitch, but there’s a definite disconnect between the action and the consequence here.
A newer pitch, reflecting on this: Twenty-year-old Aidelle smashes a timepiece as her fiancé leaves her, sealing herself in a timeless reality. When she finds out his departure was from blackmail, she must cross volatile ‘timestreams’ to rewrite their future-changing argument.
The all-important query:
Twenty-year-old Aidelle had everything she’d desired: new home, new brothers-in-law, and an old passion for Phillip. Then she broke time.
Just as they’ve unpacked in their new house, Phillip reconsiders their engagement contract. As he slams the door on their relationship, Aidelle does what any love-scorned woman would do: she chucks the mantelpiece clock at him. Now, thanks to that broken timepiece, Aidelle’s sealed in a frozen version of their house in-between realities. She can’t search for the man she still loves, but maybe patching up the clock will patch up the past. Right? But time, with all its bumps and eddies, doesn’t play fair.
When Aidelle catches a glimpse of Phillip through a temporal fissure – another reality growing in her sitting room, of all things – she realises he’s tearing apart every reality to find her. As the fissure closes, Aidelle is more alone than ever. If she doesn’t find a way to rewind time – and, in the process, win back the man she adores – every fissure in time will seal, erasing from existence their future, present and past.
WTCB is an NA Fantasy Romance complete at 80,000 words about love, family and temporal paradoxes. The novel explores a Neovictorian universe and will appeal to fans of Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate series.